Coming Home...

Wednesday, January 27, 2010 was a day of mixed emotions.  Our third cycle of in vitro fertilization was over, and had been completely successful to this point.  Wendy was officially PUPO (see my post from the other day for an explanation), and we were officially in the "dreaded two-week wait" (2WW in the language of infertility).  It takes two weeks from the point of embryo transfer for a beta hCG to reveal if a pregnancy has resulted, so the final level of "success" of an IVF cycle is not known until that time has passed.

Thus, returning home was always difficult, as I mentioned in yesterday's post.  We were leaving the location that had already given birth to a heightened level of hope.  From our previous experiences, we had to remain cautiously optimistic, though perhaps we skewed our thoughts toward the caution more than the optimism.  At the same time, it felt very good to have realized the success in each stage to this point...

We slept until 8, since we could.  When we got back home, 5:30 a.m. wakeups would again be the norm.  While we had already prepared for our departure to some extent, and much of our luggage was already in the trunk of the car, we still had some packing and loading to do.  (When I say "we," I mean "me" - Wendy is mostly a supervisor in that regard!)  :)

Since we had enjoyed several breakfasts at the hotel, we skipped it this morning.  When we left around 10:00 in the morning, our first stop was a nearby IHOP, where we enjoyed our "last breakfast out" for this trip.  We ate well.  We were both giddy and subdued.  We were going home, and when we pulled out of the parking lot at IHOP, we headed the car north - we followed Route 208 for a few miles until we could catch I-287, then crossed the NJ-NY border where 287 becomes the Thruway, and barreled home as fast as we legally could, or perhaps just a bit faster.

A bit of a tradition had developed.  My dear Aunt Marilyn, who lives in Saranac Lake, was the first family member we had brought into our circle of confidence a couple of years prior when we were going to NYC for the first time, trying to determine some options for how we may proceed.  Because of that, we've always at least had contact with her on our trips, sometimes just calling her as we pass through Saranac Lake, but often trying to arrange a meal together, if time allows.  On this trip home, we actually went to her apartment and enjoyed a fine meal she prepared for us - spaghetti, Texas toast, and salad.  Then, we headed home from there, arriving in time to join our church family for the midweek service.  It was good to be home.

I miss Paul Harvey at times - I always enjoyed his "The Rest of the Story" segments!  So here it is, to put a more complete context on this series.  Wendy and I, in total, completed four cycles of IVF - the first was in December 2008; pregnancy resulted, and a miscarriage ended those dreams in February 2009.  Our second attempt was in the July of 2009; this cycle produced the best yield of embryos, but no pregnancy resulted, and embryos not transferred did not survive for a later attempt.  This third attempt in January 2010 was successful, in spite of having only two embryos to transfer; however, to add stress to the final stages of our quest to become parents, Mathias Joseph Straight arrived almost 10 weeks early, on August 9, 2010 (8-9-10, and at 9:08 in the morning).  He was not due until mid-October.  Our final cycle took place from July-August 2011, an attempt to provide Mathias with a sibling, from which no pregnancy resulted.  At the end of 2011, based on the recommendation of Wendy's rheumatologist, we discontinued our efforts so she could go on medication to manage her arthritis.

Now, five years after the end of this story, we have a VERY active four-year-old from whom we learn every day.  We are "older parents," and we acknowledge that freely.  But this gift we've been given - a little boy who calls Wendy "Mommy" and me "Daddy" - has helped to make our house a home.  For that, we are forever thankful.  If you've met Mathias, you know that he can warm the heart with a quick smile, a witty remark, or a deep belly laugh.  If you haven't met Mathias, I hope our paths can cross so you can experience some time with the love of our lives.  We hope that through our story, others can benefit, as we did from those who went before us...

http://youtu.be/NOp1Ytuhv-Q

 

A Completely Lazy Day - Doctor's Orders!

On Tuesday, January 26, 2010, Wendy and I had nothing to do, really!  Actually, on the day after embryo transfer there are no restrictions, and we could have come home.  But, for each of our cycles, we've taken that day as a de-stressing day, and just enjoyed having no agenda!  In the world of fertility treatments, the acronym describing Wendy's state of being at this time was PUPO - "pregnant until proven otherwise" - and we just enjoyed the day full of hope, knowing from previous experiences that it may not last as long as we wanted it to.

So, we got up around 8:00 in the morning, and just had breakfast at the hotel, a bagel and a waffle.  Wendy worked some more on grades, and I prepped for classes, since I'd be behind when we did return back; our spring semester had started yesterday, after all, and a colleague was graciously covering my first couple of classes.

We had leftover pizza for lunch, with more relaxation throughout the rest of the day.  At dinner time, we did order some food from Fairmount Eats in Hackensack, NJ, and I went to pick it up; some places delivered conveniently to the Ramada, but it wasn't quite as predictable as when we were in the city.  We enjoyed a quesadilla, mozzarella sticks, onion rings, chicken panini, fries, and a banana dessert.  Whenever we eat out, even though I order something and Wendy orders something, it's always a sharing process, and even more so when we're in a hotel room, and we don't have to be self conscious about eating off each other's plates!  :)

We began to prepare psychologically for the trip home tomorrow.  It's always difficult to leave the hopeful energy of an IVF cycle and return to the humdrum existence that is our lives, with a daily work grind, no housekeeping staff, a limited budget for restaurants, and so on, added to the reality that this might not "take."  But, we knew it was necessary, and we hoped that there were more than two of us along for that return trip...

It's Transfer Day!

On Monday, January 25, 2010, Wendy and I were able to sleep in until 8:00 a.m., which felt really good!  Once we became aware of our surroundings - we were back at the Ramada Inn, no longer in our classy (small) room at The Bentley - we also realized that it was raining something fierce outside!  And, there were very strong winds that we could practically feel, in spite of being in a very solid five-story building.

Not having to leave for the Center for a while, we tended to be a bit lazy this morning.  Unfortunately, the power went out just about the time we were going to get ready, so we got ready in the dark!  At least we had hot water, in spite of the lack of lights in the room...

Finally, we left the hotel a little before noon.  Our trip to the New York Presbyterian Hospital was especially long, since the poor weather caused traffic to be especially heavy and slow; we didn't get to our destination until 1:00 p.m.!

On arrival, I continued a tradition that we had started during our first IVF cycle - at that time (December 2008) we had two embryos to transfer, so we bought two tiny T-shirts at the Cornell University bookstore, one for each of our babies.  Since then, we had bought some memento each time, and this time we bought a stuffed teddy bear wearing a Cornell shirt!

Our appointment at the IVF suite was for 2:00 p.m., so we easily arrived on time.  The transfer took place without incident; one had progressed to contain six cells, and the other had eight cells.  These sizes are quite typical for a three-day transfer.  (We've often joked that probably Mathias was the six-cell embryo, since he was so tiny when he was born nearly 10 weeks early!)  :)

We left the suite around 3:30 p.m., with our babies "in tow."  Leaving the city is never as problematic as entering, seemingly, and we weren't in a hurry anyway, since we were just going back to the hotel to relax for the rest of the evening.  Wendy was supposed to take it easy for the rest of the day, as if she would have planned otherwise!  She finished her grading, and I went to Rite Aid for a few things, since we had one more day before we would head home.  We ordered a simple dinner from Dominos, and then just hung out at "home."  Tomorrow would be a purposefully lazy day, trying to give the babies a chance to get permanently settled, and then we'd head home on Wednesday, once again hopeful for what the future would have in store for us...

A Busy Sunday!

On Sunday, January 24, 2010 Wendy and I got up at 6:00 a.m. to hit the day hard.  Today was a "moving day," since we would be checking out of The Bentley Hotel in NYC and checking back in to the Ramada Inn in Rochelle Park, NJ.  In between those events, we would spend the day in Stone Ridge, NY with our friends the Hallenbecks!  Whew...

We have always enjoyed Jamie Hallenbeck's ministry when visiting their church - he has a thoughtful, well-prepared delivery that makes him easy to listen to, and he always has good things to say.  In addition to good services, we are always treated very well when it comes to meals; this day was no exception.  Sunday dinner consisted of ham, potatoes, fruit salad, corn, and green beans.  Dessert was spectacular, with dirt cake and ice cream cake.  We celebrated Brandon's birthday while we were there as well.

The previous week when we were returning to our NJ hotel, little did we know what the following seven days would bring.  Our stress level, in many ways, was lower - the weather seemed to want to make up for that.  You see, during the afternoon and through the evening service, there had been some wintry precipitation.  It was really just a light quantity of snow, and didn't seem troublesome as we left the church that evening.  However, after leaving Stone Ridge to head for New Paltz, the first few miles involve climbing Mohonk Mountain on winding, steep, narrow roads.  As we began to climb those curvy hills with our Mercury Grand Marquis, a rear-wheel-drive car with tires that needed to be replaced, it was clear that traction was limited.  We met a few cars proceeding down the mountain, and they were flashing their lights at us.  We thought that perhaps they were just warning us of the road conditions, and perhaps they were.  On one stretch that was relatively straight for a little while, but also a steady incline, we slowed to a crawl and then finally came to a complete stop!  The car would not move forward at all, and it even began sliding backward a bit, turning sideways as it did so.  It was a very strange feeling to be partly sideways, at an angle, across both lanes of this narrow road, not knowing what to do!  In front of us was the edge of the road with a guardrail, then a steep drop; behind us was a ditch in which we'd certainly get stuck.  I was going to get out of the car to push, but Wendy was afraid I wouldn't have traction to push effectively, or even to stand, so I stayed in the car.  I put it in reverse and managed to edge backward a couple of feet, while still sliding in other directions without control.  Then I turned the tires to the right and tried to move the car forward a bit.  I kept doing this over and over and over, and did seem to be making progress at turning the car slightly.  I honestly I have no idea how long it took to turn around, or how many "points" there were in my turn (it CERTAINLY wasn't a three-point-turn!), but eventually, I convinced the car to point DOWN the hill again.  Obviously, there was no other traffic; we hadn't seen more cars after the two or three vehicles that were coming down flashing their lights at us.  Perhaps they had been unable to crest the mountain as well, and were trying to communicate that through their lights using Morse code!  I waited a couple of minutes as we both let our hearts slow, then I began to let the car creep down the hill, keeping the shifter in first to ensure that the car wouldn't pick up speed, though I certainly wouldn't be able to control it if it began to slide.  We did slip a little from time to time, but we ultimately managed to get back down to the elevation at which the road wasn't glare ice!  Once we did, the road to Kingston (US 209) was nicely clear, and then in Kingston we got back on I-87 to head south again.  It took us quite a bit longer than we had planned to get back "home" that night, but we were very glad to have made it safely, even if later than we preferred.

Once we got to the hotel and checked in, we brought in a few things, had a snack (Kathy had given us some dirt cake to take with us), and went to bed.  Tomorrow was the big day - embryo transfer!

An Anxious Day...

On Saturday, January 23, 2010, we knew there would be little actual "activity" with regard to our IVF process.  Since eggs had been retrieved the day before, we were simply playing a new waiting game while awaiting a fertilization report.  From that news, we would know if we needed to stay in the city a little longer, or if we were free to return home.  Obviously, we were hoping and praying for the former!

Days like this tended to crawl in many ways.  But, as they say, "No news is good news," and as long as we didn't hear that there WEREN'T embryos, we could still believe that there WERE...

We did manage to sleep in until 7:30 in the morning, knowing there was no reason to awaken early.  Breakfast was eaten in our hotel room - a cinnamon roll that I had bought from the Roy Rogers on my way back to the city a couple of days earlier.  They have very good cinnamon rolls, but the freshness had definitely waned since the original purchase.

As the pressure of a cycle builds, with stage after stage being successfully passed, we made a conscious effort to hold back our excitement.  Becoming too enthusiastic would mean that sudden bad news would seem all that more devastating.  The psychological and emotional highs and lows were often challenging to deal with - at times when we really wanted to celebrate, it seemed "dangerous" to do so.  After all, we had been VERY excited with our pregnancy after IVF #1 in December 2008, and in February 2009, our world crashed around us.  Fool me twice, shame on me?

Lunch consisted of some snacking in the hotel.  Everything about this day was wrapped up in that report, the phone call for which we were waiting, patiently, and anxiously...

Why weren't they calling?  We really should have heard by now, right?  Let's check the phone to see if everything is okay, or if we missed anything...

What, the phone is turned off?  Well, we need to turn it back on!  Right now!

I don't remember all the details of why the phone had been turned off, but I'll never forget the knot in my stomach after the phone had powered up, and I saw that the voicemail indicator was on.  This awareness that the news was already in, but we didn't know it yet.  Should we check the message, or should we just wait?  There was such angst, as I've never experienced in any other circumstance in my 48+ years...

We called.  We heard the report.  I think we both listened with one ear closed...  They had, in fact, retrieved three eggs, but only two were mature.  Big sigh...  But, both of the mature eggs had fertilized successfully, and we needed to stay around for anticipated embryo transfer at 2:00 p.m. on Monday!  Despite our conservative approach, we had to celebrate.  We laughed.  We cried.  We thanked God for giving us another chance to experience the gift of parenthood, and we asked Him for His blessing that we would be able to meet our child(ren) in a few months...

Of course, this meant that a new round of injections had to begin, but those needles were only an inch and a half long, so it wasn't a big deal!  :)

After hanging out in the hotel a bit longer, we left around 3:30 in the afternoon, walking a few blocks to the station for the tram to Roosevelt Island.  We bought MTA cards, and took the tram ride over the East River to the island; it was like a different world, much calmer and slower paced!  We walked around by the water quite a bit, and picked up a few things at the pharmacy there before going back to the station for the tram ride back to Manhattan.  Once there, while walking back to the hotel, we stopped at The Food Emporium to get some supper.  When we arrived back "home," we were in for the rest of the night, our last at The Bentley Hotel.  Tomorrow was Sunday, and it was bound to be a busy day...

Getting the Eggs...

After two LONG days on the road, I rested well overnight; on Friday, January 22, 2010, Wendy and I were able to sleep in a bit, since it was RETRIEVAL DAY!

We were required to be at the hospital at 7:45 a.m., so we left our hotel a little past 7 to walk there.  Wendy was much more comfortable with us walking together, even though she had been quite fine on her own the day before...

Retrieval of the eggs in an IVF cycle is a very precise process.  The trigger shot, a substantial injection of hCG, which helps the egg through its final stages of maturing, and also prompts its release from the ovary.  Thus, retrieval is very specifically timed to be within a 36-hour window from the time of injection of the trigger shot - if it's attempted too soon, then the egg may not be as fully mature as it could be otherwise; if it's a bit too late, then ovulation may have already occurred, and the egg cannot be located.

The atmosphere in the waiting area is much different on retrieval day than it is for daily monitoring, and it's also in a different location.  Daily monitoring is on the sixth floor of the Center for Reproductive Medicine, on the west side of York Ave.  Across the street, covering a two-block stretch from E 68 St to E 70 St, is the New York Presbyterian Hospital, where we had to be today.  There are nice block letters indicating the area where In-Vitro Fertilization is done - I'll never forget the first time we walked under that sign, and the surge of hope that I felt...

Retrieval itself only takes about 15 minutes, and it's done under light sedation.  As soon as it was finished, I was able to go to the small area where Wendy was on her hospital bed, and she generally remembered what the doctor had told her after retrieval - today, she thought he had said that they got three eggs, which was good news, but would be confirmed when a phone call was received later with an official report.

On the way back from the hospital, we stopped at Le Pain Quotidien for lunch - we had previously only gone there for breakfast.  We both ordered "sandwiches," but they were quite nontraditional, though good.  It's always an adventure to learn more about their interpretation of foods!

We relaxed back at The Bentley, took a nap (naturally) and then ordered some delicious, celebratory Chinese food for dinner from Chef Ho's.  The evening's fare included General Tso's Chicken, Pork Lo Mein, Beef with Broccoli, and Egg Rolls.  It was delicious, and we ate the entire order - no leftovers!  Knowing that we wouldn't have to get up early the next day, we stayed up pretty late; we've always been a bit giddy at this stage of a cycle, knowing that it had been successful to that point, as far as we knew.

A Day Alone...

After the late-night challenges from the previous day, Thursday, January 21, 2010 started early for both Wendy and me.  I was at home, by myself, up early to get ready for a day at SUNY Potsdam for two purposes - I was presenting in the morning for the Annual Teaching and Learning with Technology day, and then I was presenting in the afternoon for our semesterly student teaching seminar.  Student teaching was scheduled to begin on Monday, January 25, coinciding with the start of our spring semester, as always.

Meanwhile, on the upper east side of Manhattan, Wendy was getting ready to be at CRM by 6:30 a.m.  The morning after a trigger shot is a longer process than other morning monitoring, with an actual "class" in which all the details of egg retrieval, the IVF process, and the subsequent return of embryos to the womb, are discussed.  It's a pretty intense morning, and Wendy had to participate alone!  Additionally, she had to walk the eight blocks to the Center in the dark in order to be there on time.  Fortunately, that section of the city is a nice residential and professional area, so it was no problem at all for her.

After the testing and information session, Wendy walked back to the hotel, stopping at a Mobil station to get a muffin an some juice.  She napped for a while, as had become our custom during cycles, then had to return to the Center for a 1:30 p.m. appointment with her doctor, Owen Davis.  Having had a hysteroscopy shortly before this cycle, he was doing a followup to see the condition of her insides prior to the end stage of the process.  Things looked good, and she walked back to the hotel afterward, taking a slight detour to stop at McDonald's for a late lunch!

Not much happened on her end of things for the rest of the day, while my day was pretty packed from start to finish.  After getting very little sleep the night before, I gave my morning presentation, then had a 15-minute break to walk across campus and start my second presentation in the afternoon.  When I wrapped up the day around 3:30 p.m., I left campus and headed south, arriving back at the hotel at 9:45.  I made really good time, but was I ever tired!  :)