A FRESH BEGINNING...

Here is today's question: "How does one, after more than 18 months of silence, resume speaking fluidly, and without it seeming like an awkward start?" To me, this question is akin to that moment when you see someone you haven't seen in a long time, exchange a few introductory pleasantries, and then stand there looking at the ground or surrounding scenery, wondering if you truly have nothing more to say to each other! By contrast, I've also run into an old friend and immediately started a meaningful conversation that made it seem like we had met the day before for lunch...

First, I re-read my post from February 24, 2009. That was tough. I even went back and read some of the posts that preceded it, but it quickly got overwhelming. I don't want to re-live that past; I want to think about TODAY!

Well, actually I don't want to think about today. I want to think about the three weeks that led up to today, and I want to keep those memories more fresh than I know they will naturally be after time has done its reliable job of eroding them...

I don't want to think about today because:
1. I'm in Potsdam, and Wendy is far away.
2. I'm a father now, and I want nothing more than to be with my little boy.

I do want to think about the three weeks that led up to today because:
1. I'm a father now, and that miracle happened three weeks ago today.
2. Since my job does not obligate me greatly during the summer, I was able to spend all of the time from August 9, 2010 through August 29, 2010 with Wendy and the baby, ignoring other "work" that was just less important.
3. I've been a father now for three weeks.
4. There is a very little boy who will someday call me "Daddy," although he may use other endearing terms first, most of which don't appear in our dictionaries.

So let me recap - the short, less painful version of the bad stuff, and more details about the good stuff.

December 2008 - first round of fertility treatments in NYC. Scared, excited, hopeful, worried, successful! Wendy has a resultant pregnancy with a due date in early September 2009. We celebrate. Oh, how we celebrate! Then, it all comes crashing down with a missed miscarriage somewhere between 8 weeks and 12 weeks gestation. Wow, how could this happen?

July/August 2009 - second round of fertility treatments in NYC. Excited, differently scared, wishfully hopeful, better success in the laboratory, nothing! How could this happen?

Fall 2009 - some additional consultations with our team of experts, and they say we're likely just part of the larger statistical picture, and there hasn't really been anything overlooked. We thought God didn't NEED statistics, but we also know He doesn't just pull us away from pain because He can...

January 2010 - third round of fertility treatments in NYC. More scared, for some reason (advancing age, perhaps?), but still excited and hopeful. This time the days in the city feel more business-like, less like a vacation. As they say in our rural, redneck northern area of NY, we just want to "Git 'r done"! Success! Wow! Now we're REALLY scared!

As the final stages of winter 2009-10 pass by, and spring takes its place, happiness begins to replace fear. Hope gently, then more forcefully, pushes doubt aside. Things are going well, heading toward October 15. We find out it's going to be a boy. (Of course we wanted to know! At our age, we didn't want to buy stuff that was the wrong color!) We decide on a name, but keep it secret from everyone. We dream about the nursery, and start to put those plans together. Spring turns into summer, which is especially busy. A HUGE shower is planned for August 14, 2010, to celebrate the upcoming arrival. We've waited a LONG TIME for this party!!

Finally, in the end of July and early August, we start work in the house. The new nursery room (which has been a computer and catch-all room for nine years) is torn apart in preparation for new carpet, new paint, decorations, furniture, etc. Some of the items are even picked up and stored in their boxes until the room is ready. A planned vacation to Lake Titus near Malone interrupts our momentum; we leave our terribly disorganized house on August 7 to relax at the lake. I mean, we still have two months, right?

Wrong. So wrong! Sunday, August 8 Wendy has "cramps." They persist for several hours, and seem quite rhythmic; once she confesses that fact, we go to the hospital after calling them for their advice. They determine she's in labor, and send her to Burlington via ambulance transport. I gather some things and go along, arriving a couple of hours later than she.

Initially, their desire is to hold off labor for 48 hours. This would allow them to inject her with steroids, which help to develop immature lungs in premature babies. However, blood work indicates an infection, even though there is no fever. At that point, it's actually healthier to get the baby out of that environment, and so they simply allow the labor to proceed.

The final result? On August 9, 2010 (that's right - 8.9.10) at 9:08 a.m., Mathias Joseph entered this world and made us proud parents. He weighed 3 lbs, 9 oz, and was 16.5 inches long. Initial assessments showed him to be healthy; he needed a bit of breathing support (through a CPAP machine) from when he was three hours old until he was about 27 hours old, and that was it. He's growing well, making good progress at taking his nutrition by mouth, and generally impressing everyone who has contact with him! We are thankful, having been perfectly content to gaze at him adoringly for hours on end over the last three weeks.

So now, reality hits as I begin my fall semester. This separation is tough, but we have been so strengthened by these years of challenges that, as a contemporary country song says, "This Ain't Nothin'"!

As I typed in a recent email to a colleague, when describing the challenge of being here while the rest of my family is not, "Three IVF attempts and a 'too-long emotional roller coaster ride' are behind us, and our cheeks are now sore from three weeks of wide smiles. As you can imagine, there have also been some tears, but they taste less salty and more sweet.

I like sweet.