THIS IS WHAT WE'VE BEEN TRAINING FOR...

Last summer, a dear friend of our church family lost her battle with cancer. Ena Maharaj was an inspiration to anyone who knew her, and dealt with her rather sudden illness in an extremely positive way. Although I did not see her in the final days of her life, my pastor told us as a congregation that, at one point when she was talking to him, she stated, "This is what I've been training for!"

I remember thinking that I couldn't feel that way myself at the time. Wendy and I had experienced, seemingly, setback after setback in our plans to proceed with in-vitro fertilization. In fact, at that same time - within just a few days - we found out that we were not on the September IVF cycle as we had originally planned, and were told that our turn would not be until December.

Then autumn came:

"State insurance should cover this...."

"Because you're returning from an unpaid leave, you can enroll in the Empire Plan immediately, and it will take effect on October 3...."

"CRMI is one of New York State's Centers of Excellence, and so payment is at 100%, with no deductibles...."

"Since the Center of Excellence facility is more than 100 miles from your home, you will also be reimbursed for travel, lodging, and food costs while you are undergoing treatment...."

Suddenly, it all made sense, from a human perspective. And looking back, there was a trail of circumstantial evidence over 10 years long that lined up to say that this would work. And, it did!

Christmas Day and a positive pregnancy test - what a gift....

Tears of joy replacing tears of anguish; our dreams would come true!

Plans, smiles, laughter, and my mind could already hear the night cries of a baby - OUR baby - in the German Shepherd themed nursery that was already envisioned.

Then February 18 came:

"Your blood pressure's a little high, are you nervous?"

"Can't hear anything with the Doppler, let's try an ultrasound...."

"There's no sign of cardiac activity...."

"Essentially no growth since the last visit...."

For almost 24 hours now, we have been making a conscious choice to believe what our pastor has said on several occasions: "God is too wise to make a mistake, and loves us too much to hurt us just because He can."

We give our gift back to Him, knowing our child(ren) will be well cared for in His loving arms. In fact, perhaps their grandparents are enjoying their company right now, and that gives us extra reason to make sure we make it as well.

God did not promise that life would be easy, but He promised to be with us no matter the circumstances. This is what we've been training for.

"[T]he Lord gave, and the Lord hath taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord." (Job 1:21b)

"[B]ut as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord." (Joshua 24:15b)