THOUGHTS TO LEAN ON...

As we move forward, there have been many expressions of kindness and concern from our friends and family members that have been God-sent, providing strength that we need for the continued journey. We thank you all, sincerely.

Recent events have not changed any of the facts of the last few months. God's hand on our lives was evident, no, IS evident, as we look back. He prepares the way, but He doesn't necessarily give us the grace or strength that we need in advance of when we need it. As Rev. Rowan Fay preached last summer at Vermontville Camp, in a message about weightlifting: "We don't get strength FOR the load, we get strength FROM the load!" However, this doesn't mean that God's concern for something that He already knows will happen is absent. We're promised in scripture that He won't give us more than we can handle, with His help. Ah - there's the catch - with His help.... When we try to go through life on our own, we find true limits. In His strength, there is none.

Little did I know last Monday, when I was completing the layout for the March 2009 Pilgrim News, what Wendy and I would be facing on Wednesday. But God did. Generally, one of the final tasks in that monthly project is to design the front cover. Since I've been doing this job, I've tried to have a cover theme for each issue. Usually, it's a full-page picture, and a scripture that makes sense with that picture as accompaniment. March is sometimes difficult. In NY, we're caught between winter and spring, and this year Easter doesn't come until April. So what was I to do? I looked through my collection of personal pictures, trying to find something, and I did! Last summer, we had a tremendous storm develop very quickly. I had taken my camera, driven down to the end of our road where there is more open space, and captured some images of that looming storm cloud. It was dark, foreboding, even a bit scary. And, unless someone inspected it closely, they probably wouldn't notice that it was "out of season" for the March cover.

So what scripture could be a companion to this picture? Of course, something from one of David's psalms. David so often articulated the highs and lows of life at the same time, communicating to us centuries later that we could get through them as well. Take time to read the entire 107th psalm, and you'll see what I mean, but pay attention, as I did, to the first part of verse 29: "He maketh the storm a calm...."

And so He has. Thank you for your thoughts and prayers. Thank you for tears you may have shed for us, and with us. They have mingled together with those of many others to help cleanse away the hurt. And the soothing, calming love of God has wrapped us in His presence, gently telling us that we are not alone, even when no child yet graces our home. We have Him, and we have each other. "We have this moment to hold in our hands, and to touch, as it slips through our fingers like sand. Yesterday's gone, and tomorrow may never come, but we have this moment today."

Together, we take the step that is today.

THIS IS WHAT WE'VE BEEN TRAINING FOR...

Last summer, a dear friend of our church family lost her battle with cancer. Ena Maharaj was an inspiration to anyone who knew her, and dealt with her rather sudden illness in an extremely positive way. Although I did not see her in the final days of her life, my pastor told us as a congregation that, at one point when she was talking to him, she stated, "This is what I've been training for!"

I remember thinking that I couldn't feel that way myself at the time. Wendy and I had experienced, seemingly, setback after setback in our plans to proceed with in-vitro fertilization. In fact, at that same time - within just a few days - we found out that we were not on the September IVF cycle as we had originally planned, and were told that our turn would not be until December.

Then autumn came:

"State insurance should cover this...."

"Because you're returning from an unpaid leave, you can enroll in the Empire Plan immediately, and it will take effect on October 3...."

"CRMI is one of New York State's Centers of Excellence, and so payment is at 100%, with no deductibles...."

"Since the Center of Excellence facility is more than 100 miles from your home, you will also be reimbursed for travel, lodging, and food costs while you are undergoing treatment...."

Suddenly, it all made sense, from a human perspective. And looking back, there was a trail of circumstantial evidence over 10 years long that lined up to say that this would work. And, it did!

Christmas Day and a positive pregnancy test - what a gift....

Tears of joy replacing tears of anguish; our dreams would come true!

Plans, smiles, laughter, and my mind could already hear the night cries of a baby - OUR baby - in the German Shepherd themed nursery that was already envisioned.

Then February 18 came:

"Your blood pressure's a little high, are you nervous?"

"Can't hear anything with the Doppler, let's try an ultrasound...."

"There's no sign of cardiac activity...."

"Essentially no growth since the last visit...."

For almost 24 hours now, we have been making a conscious choice to believe what our pastor has said on several occasions: "God is too wise to make a mistake, and loves us too much to hurt us just because He can."

We give our gift back to Him, knowing our child(ren) will be well cared for in His loving arms. In fact, perhaps their grandparents are enjoying their company right now, and that gives us extra reason to make sure we make it as well.

God did not promise that life would be easy, but He promised to be with us no matter the circumstances. This is what we've been training for.

"[T]he Lord gave, and the Lord hath taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord." (Job 1:21b)

"[B]ut as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord." (Joshua 24:15b)

A MIRACLE, JUST FOR US...

Since mid-December, I have been wondering just what constitutes a miracle. The dictionary defines the word as "an effect or extraordinary event in the physical world that surpasses all known human or natural powers and is ascribed to a supernatural cause." In my lifetime, I know that has meant different things to different people. From accounts recorded in scripture, I read of the blind receiving sight, a wedding party having the best wine when only water had been put in the pots at Christ's command, and even a dead man living again. In years past, I know of individuals who have had a dire physical prognosis, and yet at one point when they went back to the doctor for a checkup, he "didn't understand" how they were suddenly well. All of these have been called "miracles," and they certainly fit the definition.

Many times we hear people refer to "the miracle of life." Although medical science has increased the duration of life in recent years, and can improve the quality of life in the face of certain medical diagnoses, it is still unable to create life; conception still requires God's hand.

I have been hesitant to post these musings, with the news that has precipitated them. Why? Well, for a couple of reasons. I have lived long enough to know that people's personal ethics vary widely, and it is not my intent to offend anyone with this post. Also, the situation that Wendy and I find ourselves in still does not seem fully real. After so many years of hope, prayers, dashed hopes, and tears, our minds are working hard to process this news, but here it is. Perhaps you can help to convince us that we are not dreaming....

I've heard people marvel over modern technology. When a couple is expecting a child, they can actually see the new addition to the family long before he or she enters the world. What you see here may be the earliest pre-natal picture you've ever viewed:


We've been married for over 18 years. We've never had children. On December 1, 2008, we entered the Center for Reproductive Medicine and Infertility (CRMI) in New York City, ready to finally find some answers. As if the city wasn't intimidating enough, this modern facility is a bit more sizable than our typical north country hospitals...



Two weeks later on December 15, after many trips into and out of the city, and a LOT of tests and injections (the total is up to 79 right now), we returned to CRMI for the final time to have our two embryos (shown above) returned to their mother. The doctors had done what they could, God had caused new life to begin, and the rest was up to Him.

On December 25, we had the merriest Christmas morning in many years when a home pregnancy test showed a positive result! That was confirmed by a blood test on December 26. Further blood tests on December 29 and January 5 showed an established pregnancy. Then, on January 8, an ultrasound was done and a gestational sac was evident.


The next Thursday, January 15, a second ultrasound showed a fetal heartbeat of 115 bpm (which we also heard on the monitor), and good progress. We were a bit disappointed that only one embryo liked Wendy enough to stick around, but we believe that just means our family is already begun in heaven.


And again yesterday, January 22, the third ultrasound showed development to be right on target.


Now, we get a little break from the doctors! Our next checkup is scheduled for mid-February, which will seem like a very long wait, I'm sure. One day at a time....

For the last several years, we have struggled with a wide variety of emotions. Our faith has been tested, and our small home has seemed way too large and extremely empty. We told the Lord last fall that, no matter what the outcome of our attempt at medical intervention for infertility, we were all His. He knows us, our limits, and the "desires of our hearts." We are so thankful that He has blessed us, and by His grace we will welcome a new family member in early September.

If you've never really considered the sense of helplessness, hopelessness, and deep grief that comes from being childless (not by choice), then please watch this touching video: Tears and Hope It can't vicariously put you in our place, but it can help to sensitize you more to the hurts of others.

We covet your continued prayers in the months ahead....

SOME IMAGES OF CHRISTMAS

I know it's a little late, but I wanted to post some Christmas pictures. I didn't take very many, but here are a few...

IT'S FUN TO BE ONE!

We wouldn't normally drive to Pennsylvania just for a birthday party, but we're closer than we usually would be! It was about a two-hour drive to Macungie, PA, where Brandon James Powell is just two days short of being ONE YEAR OLD!! He'll turn the big 0-1 on Monday, December 15...

I didn't get as many pictures as I hoped, but I'll post a few here for your enjoyment. Today was an exciting day overall: good news, family, sunshine, what more could we ask for?

Is this guy cute or what?

Mommy is getting a kick out of something, while Ethan (Menkes) looks on!

Now she has calmed down!

Okay, so I'm not crazy about the hat, mom!!

The happy family, with guests, taken from the side, and a little back...

All he really wanted to do with the cake was feed it to mommy!

Grandpa Peter is enjoying the celebration.

A special centerpiece...

By the end of the party, Brandon had gotten a bit tuckered out. That's probably the only reason Aunt Wendy got to hold him!

WHILE WE'RE HERE...

In an effort to pass this time more easily, we've been doing a bit of sight-seeing. Last Thursday and Friday we took a 48-hour on/off bus tour, getting a chance to see several places of interest. Enjoy the pictures!

First, the classic Empire State Building (deliberately taken behind some branches for effect)...


Then, a building mural that looked pretty neat!


The Flatiron Building (so named because of its shape).


A sculpture to honor garment workers...


A typical picture of traffic during the day!


Next, the Wall Street Bull! (I'm surprised he could be found right now!)


The first public bathrooms in the downtown area...


I want some ornaments like this, but I'll need a bigger tree!!


A view of Central Park, or one small piece of it...


Some of Times Square, from the upper deck of our bus.


Inside the church near ground zero, the one that got a lot of attention right after the event because it remained standing, there are a lot of memorial tributes. It's quite touching, even over seven years later! This flag has the names of all who perished in the attacks.


This is self-explanatory, I think...


And here's the site itself. I had to go into a two-story Burger King and go upstairs to get this picture out of their window. There is a 15-foot-high covered fence all around the area, since they're doing construction to get ready for the Freedom Tower. What amazes me is the perspective of size - look at the backhoes in the pit for a true sense of how large a space this is!


We also did a night "holiday lights" tour, and it was tough to get good pictures because of my older camera. Here are a few, though. This one was a pretty lighted design that was in one section of town.


I took this picture to verify how stupid we were, riding on the top level of an open-air double decker bus with inadequate winter clothing!


This was the Macy's building, if I recall correctly. One side was just solid lights, but I liked the effect of the stripes.


There was a beautiful (and huge) crystal star that we drove right under, so I got a decent shot with detail!


Wrapping up a building with a lighted ribbon seemed like a neat idea! I wonder how much it costs??


And here it is, the Rockefeller Center Christmas tree! It's gorgeous!!

WE CAN ONLY DO OUR PART...

So it's finally here - election day. I signed the book. I pulled the levers. I wore my button in support of my chosen candidate. And, so did millions of others across our great land.

The beauty of our system is that everyone has a say. My vote was counted. The tide didn't turn in our area from my vote, but it was there.

Tonight's party was a celebration of the process, not the apparent outcome. It seems Americans, en masse, have more liberal intentions for the next two years of our future than my conscience can condone. We've all spoken, and there were more of them.

Wait, did I say there were more of them? Let me change the perspective...

"There's more with us than be with them, we're on the winning side! With banners unfurled, we'll tell the whole world that Jesus is Captain and Guide! There's naught to fear when He is near, though fierce the conflict may be; we'll never give in the fight against sin, with Christ there's victory!"

We're in a battle, and the stakes just got higher. As I typed this, the election has been called. When I wake up in the morning, it's unlikely that the news will be different, but as I was reminded in an email today, regardless of the outcome of this election:

1. The Bible will still have all of the answers.
2. Prayer will still work.
3. The Holy Spirit will still move.
4. God will still inhabit the praise of His people.
5. God will still pour out His blessings upon His people.
6. There will still be God-anointed teaching and preaching.
7. There will still be singing of praise to God.
8. There will still be room at the Cross.
9. Jesus will still love His own.
10. Jesus will still save the lost.

We cannot blame God for our short-sightedness as a nation. We must look in the mirror. And, after a close examination, we must return to our knees.

Thanks to all who joined us this evening for a great time of fellowship. Being with many friends made discouraging news a little bit easier to hear.

May God bless America, in spite of its choices today.