Since mid-December, I have been wondering just what constitutes a miracle. The dictionary defines the word as "an effect or extraordinary event in the physical world that surpasses all known human or natural powers and is ascribed to a supernatural cause." In my lifetime, I know that has meant different things to different people. From accounts recorded in scripture, I read of the blind receiving sight, a wedding party having the best wine when only water had been put in the pots at Christ's command, and even a dead man living again. In years past, I know of individuals who have had a dire physical prognosis, and yet at one point when they went back to the doctor for a checkup, he "didn't understand" how they were suddenly well. All of these have been called "miracles," and they certainly fit the definition.
Many times we hear people refer to "the miracle of life." Although medical science has increased the duration of life in recent years, and can improve the quality of life in the face of certain medical diagnoses, it is still unable to create life; conception still requires God's hand.
I have been hesitant to post these musings, with the news that has precipitated them. Why? Well, for a couple of reasons. I have lived long enough to know that people's personal ethics vary widely, and it is not my intent to offend anyone with this post. Also, the situation that Wendy and I find ourselves in still does not seem fully real. After so many years of hope, prayers, dashed hopes, and tears, our minds are working hard to process this news, but here it is. Perhaps you can help to convince us that we are not dreaming....
I've heard people marvel over modern technology. When a couple is expecting a child, they can actually see the new addition to the family long before he or she enters the world. What you see here may be the earliest pre-natal picture you've ever viewed:
We've been married for over 18 years. We've never had children. On December 1, 2008, we entered the Center for Reproductive Medicine and Infertility (CRMI) in New York City, ready to finally find some answers. As if the city wasn't intimidating enough, this modern facility is a bit more sizable than our typical north country hospitals...
Two weeks later on December 15, after many trips into and out of the city, and a LOT of tests and injections (the total is up to 79 right now), we returned to CRMI for the final time to have our two embryos (shown above) returned to their mother. The doctors had done what they could, God had caused new life to begin, and the rest was up to Him.
On December 25, we had the merriest Christmas morning in many years when a home pregnancy test showed a positive result! That was confirmed by a blood test on December 26. Further blood tests on December 29 and January 5 showed an established pregnancy. Then, on January 8, an ultrasound was done and a gestational sac was evident.
The next Thursday, January 15, a second ultrasound showed a fetal heartbeat of 115 bpm (which we also heard on the monitor), and good progress. We were a bit disappointed that only one embryo liked Wendy enough to stick around, but we believe that just means our family is already begun in heaven.
And again yesterday, January 22, the third ultrasound showed development to be right on target.
Now, we get a little break from the doctors! Our next checkup is scheduled for mid-February, which will seem like a very long wait, I'm sure. One day at a time....
For the last several years, we have struggled with a wide variety of emotions. Our faith has been tested, and our small home has seemed way too large and extremely empty. We told the Lord last fall that, no matter what the outcome of our attempt at medical intervention for infertility, we were all His. He knows us, our limits, and the "desires of our hearts." We are so thankful that He has blessed us, and by His grace we will welcome a new family member in early September.
If you've never really considered the sense of helplessness, hopelessness, and deep grief that comes from being childless (not by choice), then please watch this touching video: Tears and Hope It can't vicariously put you in our place, but it can help to sensitize you more to the hurts of others.
We covet your continued prayers in the months ahead....
